Want to be a good parent? Act as a plant!

Everyone wants to be a good parent, yet the idea of acting as a plant seems absolutely ridiculous, right? Well, not exactly.

There are a gazillion videos, and books to teach us how to be a good parent. After reading and viewing a handful of them, and raising three kids of my own, I have come to a conclusion.

After parenting for 21 years, I obtained a lot of great advice from many experts. Some methods worked very well, while others not so much. Although, one Psychiatrist, made quite the impression on me. Her name is Dr. Lisa Damour and she wrote the bestselling book Untangled that focuses on raising the teenage girl. One lesson, in particular, stood out for me.

If you want to be a good parent, you should act as a plant.

First of all, what does a plant do? It just sits there, in the background. Hangs from the ceiling. Maybe sits on a table or desk. Doesn’t say a peep. But you know it’s there.

My first parenting experience as a “plant”

Flashback to when my older son was in the 6th grade. He had an essay to write. Back then, I was very involved with all things, (something, I admit that maybe wasn’t the best thing to do), and of course, being an essay, I was ready to dive in and help the lad. But, this time, he said. “Wait a minute. Sit over there.” He said as he pointed to an office chair. I listened to him and sat my rear end down.

He swiveled his chair around to his desk and began to tip-tap away at his laptop. I chirped a few questions, but he shushed me. I frowned but managed to stay quiet as I continued to sit and wait while he worked away.

A little while later, he was done. He said thank you.

“For what?” I asked.

“For being there.” He responded.

So there you have it, my first and definitely not the last “potted plant parenting session.” I quickly realized that just being present in the background, not saying or doing anything, just like a plant, gave my son the safe space to do what he needed to do.

Choose your activity!

This is the fun part! Use your imagination and go wild! To give you some ideas, here are some ideas for some pretty easy “Want to be a good parent, act as a plant” activities: Stare into space and drink coffee. Fold your laundry in the same room where they are hanging out. Read a book or do some work in the same room that they are studying in. A particular favourite among my friends is to drive in the car with them. That’s where the real juicy stuff comes out. Although I have heard that this method can be a bit of a challenge because you have to let them talk and you need to be quiet (like a plant!) and listen!

Lisa Damour was on @cbsthismorning this morning back in 2016 and explains her whole theory in this video.

One more thing

For further investigation, check out Me and My So-Called Friends. I wrote this novel from the heart years ago, and is now considered a cult-classic among the middle school world. I have been told that the story is extremely relatable, a page-turner and quite funny. Reading this book together with your child will help you understand what your child is going through, and grant you both some extra patience.

We all need that.

So there you have it. One of my favourite parenting techniques, which is relatively easy, if you have the discipline to keep your thoughts to yourself!

I’m so grateful to be able to have the opportunity to write what I’m passionate about and what I think will serve others. If you would like me to write for a product or service you represent or for your own company, please be in touch.