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“Are you really my friend?” is a question that has probably crossed your lips during the past 6 months. Social situations are more than tricky. Expectations are misinterpreted. Everyone, in general, is on edge, anxious, and afraid. These days, we need our friends more than ever, and sometimes what you may be receiving on the other end is not enough. Or maybe too much. Or you are just plain unhappy with a particular friend altogether.
The both of you have been friends since forever. Since the pandemic hit, your friend has been MIA. You call and text. No answer. You ask to spend some time outside, have a picnic lunch, or go for a run. Your friend either gives you an excuse, types IDK, or does not answer. You can’t help but wonder if you are doing something wrong.
10 texts. 3 phone calls. In one day. Asking to go here, there and everywhere. The time you spend with this friend does not allow you to have any downtime or see other friends. Plus, you are not in the mood to go everywhere. Especially not now. You are feeling more anxious than usual, which is affecting your behaviour lately. This friend is acting incredibly possessive, which makes you want to run the other way.
Time to call in the experts.
Introducing Neal M. Solomon. MSW RSW. @nealsolomon. Neal helps youth and adults live with confidence, connection, and honesty, and here’s what he has to say:
COVID-19 has thrown us never-before-seen curveballs which forces us to address and manage friendships in a whole new different way. It is inevitable that certain friendships are unable to weather the storm, even if the relationship began in the sandbox.
No matter how frustrated you are, this is a new world and your behaviour has to change with it. Your friend deserves a free pass until more comfort is attained or a vaccine is approved. See if your friend initiates contact with you over time. They may be interested but are distracted by the ongoing events and you need to understand this.
A way to gently reach out is through strategically placed texts that are casual in nature. For instance: “Just checking in to see how you are doing.” or “Hope you are staying safe and well.” A business-like tone may work, due to the fact that texts and expectations can be interpreted in many different ways, even at the best of times.
Unfortunately, this pandemic may have accelerated the demise of your already faltering friendship. Sad at first, but the upside is that you no longer have to convince yourself to stay in an unhealthy and one-way friendship simply because you share a history together.
It’s time to establish healthy and consistent boundaries. This includes making room for others, and making time for yourself, which many mean making yourself less available. Take a stand in order to strike a healthy balance and ask yourself what you really want and what feels right.
When a behaviour becomes possessive, the results are often intrusive, destructive, and unhealthy. When this happens, it’s time to reflect and determine why things are not working. Proceed with caution; attempt to give the benefit of the doubt; suspend judgments and refrain from making assumptions.
To handle this intense behaviour and to place you in the “driver’s Seat”, I suggest the following:
Remember, everyone wants to be connected on some level. The stress and mental health impact of COVID-19 affects everyone in so many different ways. Practicing more patience and increasing self-awareness will lead you towards a path towards making informed decisions that are in your best interest.
Thank you @sonjaireneidissen for the perfect picture.
I’m so grateful to be able to have the opportunity to write what I’m passionate about and what I think will serve others. If you would like me to write about you and your passions for the Braves The Waves Journal, or for your own company, please be in touch.