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Angry with your teen? Your anger is brewing like a kettle on the stove. What do you do about it?
It happened again. You told her not to do it, but she didn’t listen and she broke the rules. Her voice is beginning to annoy you. The more she talks, the more you shudder and your shoulders begin to rise. Your breathing becomes quick. You can feel your voice rising up to your mouth.
Before you let it out and let her have it, wait. Count to ten and just breathe. We give you full permission to leave the room from where she is and go somewhere else to calm down.
We are living under very different and difficult circumstances that are testing our patience like nobody’s business. Even though you’ve heard this countless times before, we need to repeat it.
It’s Hard for Everyone.
Maybe there was missed homework or she left behind dishes in her bedroom. Every day this past week. You can let it go, but if you hold your feelings inside, the next time she rolls her eyes at you, you may explode with rage. In this case, there is a need to talk to your child about what is making you angry with your teen.
Two Types of Rules for Disciplining Your Child
A. Rules that need to be followed by the child, which are defined by the parents and/or caregiver. The rules should be explained clearly, in person, and maybe even in writing. Writing the rules together, with some input from the child works well because you have given her some power and control. For example: Giving the choice of being in charge of the dishes or setting the table.
B. Rules on how to deal with the child when they are broken. There is a time and a place for this face to face discussion.
Let’s Break it Down
1. No yelling. We know you’re frustrated and want to let some of that anger out by yelling and although it may feel good to let it rip and yell at the top of your lungs, it’s not healthy or productive to yell at your child. If you yell, all that your child hears is noise and becomes very frightened. Therefore, she will not hear what you are trying to say. Before you sit down to talk, we suggest taking some time to calm down after the incident occurs. Take a walk, do some yoga, listen to music or a podcast, such as this one. Anything to calm down before you face your child.
2. Look around. Who is in the room? Under normal circumstances, before social distancing, it could be one of your child’s friends, which in that case, you would have this talk with your child after they leave your home. Today, it could be a sibling or a step-sibling. Bottom line: There should be no one in the room except a parent and the child. If you lecture your child with an uninvited guest(s), you will get nowhere because your child will be too focussed on them and not on what you have to say.
3. After the lecture, to punish or not to punish? At this point, it is up to you, but the next step that you must do is to hug your child and tell them that you love them.
Thank you, @susanregancoaching, relationship expert and certified coach, for the perfect picture.
I’m so grateful to be able to have the opportunity to write what I’m passionate about and what I think will serve others. If you would like me to write about you and your passions for the Braves The Waves Journal, or for your own company, please be in touch.